So, you have finally found the person of your dreams! You make each other laugh, you both love (or hate) the same healthy food, you take long walks by the beach or spend nights wrapped up watching art house cinema, they know your buttons and uses the knowledge for good. Your paradise on Earth! What can go wrong?
Well, for starters, everything! Over familiarity may set in and where nights wrapped up in the same blanket were a cozy cocoon, now seem an all too fuzzy prison that your exotic bird wants to fly away from. Do not despair though! Not all is lost and you too have ways to make sure that your love, who you spent a big part of your life looking for, will happily keep choosing you as their safe port to come back to again and again.
Here goes! 5 top tips to give an honest fight
First and foremost: Look at them
In many occasions, especially in long relationships, we reach a stage where we tend to think that we know everything there is to know about the person next to us. To a degree this is true as we grow with this person and we most likely see the changes as they happen. Or do we? Do we really see our partner with new eyes every day as an exciting and intriguing stranger trying to find out how they view the world today or is it just “good old Mike”? If the latter is your modus operandi at the moment, it is time for a radical review.
Second: Keep looking
Like a memory foam mattress, our communication with our partner soon comes to mold in the shape of our repeated chat and small talk we engage in on a daily basis. “How was your day?” may seem like an innocent enough question at first, but the 1000th time that without fail your partner knows it’s coming during dinner, it may offset a nuclear reaction! As much interest as it may exhibit, so much “I can’t be bothered” whiff it emanates. It feels as if someone has pressed the play button on an old cassette player. Maybe that’s not the type of communication for today, maybe your loved one just wants a kiss or a silent hug. Do you know or are you just eager to carry on with your playlist?
Third: Have your own life
There is nothing more satisfying to a strong, independent person with a purpose, than seeing their loved one being absorbed, lost even in their own creative project. Don’t expect the person by your side to fill all the holes in your life. They are a fellow walker on the path of life, not plaster! Have or find something you love and do it just for yourself, just for your own satisfaction and then bask under the admiring and loving gaze of your lover!
Fourth: Expect nothing in return
“The heart that gives, receives” advises Tao Te Ching from the depths of time. If only we could bathe in the timeless wisdom of Lao Tzu’s words. We do the good deeds because we want to and because they make us feel good. That already is a finished and balanced exchange. However, greedy old people we are, we want more. We expect gratitude, acknowledgement, both, either or something in between. And not getting it, leaves us with a profound sense of dissatisfaction. “Why?” we must ask ourselves. Why do we want more? Isn't the smile or the expression of pleasant surprise or the rest our love got from our selfless action enough of a “thank you”? Let’s behave like the richest people in the world, because we always have something: our body, our mind, our emotions.
Fifth: Be yourself
Who else can you be anyway? “Everyone else is taken” as the saying goes. Soon, the real you will start showing through the cracks of your mask anyway, so, to begin with, don’t even bother. Being yourself means exactly that. Be the unique “you” you are with whatever that means. That’s the person your loved one fell in love with and decided to stick next to. So, don’t forget about yourself and always give yourself the space and time to shine through.
As a general rule of thumb partners end up acting as mirrors for their partners. Last time you looked in your “mirror” did you like what you saw? Or was the image distorted? In the same way, in the beginning, your partner-to-be fell in love with everything on you that they identified with or was hoping to be themselves, in a similar way, but on the flip side, they now show to you everything about you that you are not happy with yourself. So, what can you do with this information? Use it as the beginning point to start becoming the best version of you. And ultimately this is not a favour to your partner but an obligation to yourself. Keep challenging yourself, keep learning, keep expanding your being, don’t take anything for granted. Life is so big and you owe it to yourself not to become small and hide in a comfortable cage.
And the outcome? Even if your love doesn't stay with you but decides to spread their wings and fly, you will at least know that you now have brand new, strong wings of your own. Because, with such a blue blue sky, every bird deserves to fly!